"Still real"
You ever have those moments that bring you down to earth? You know what I mean, the kind of moment that pokes a hole in the cloud you're floating on. We all do and we all have our own way of reacting to those moments. Well, I had one of those moments today and where I might have internalized the situation in the past I think I handled pretty well. Let me know what you think:
So I just got done working out and decided that I'd stop by the super market to pick up some whole wheat pasta for meal 3. I was feeling pretty good. A little sore but that good sore, ya know? Endorphins flowing...feeling pretty content. I parked my car and got out to walk into the store. I stopped to allow a car to pass and as it did a kid popped his head out of the back window and yelled "FAT JOE"!
"Lovely..." I thought to myself. Here I was fresh from the gym...trying to do something good for myself and all it takes is one smart ass kid to take the wind out of my sales... Needless to say I was upset and I wanted to say something but what do you say in a situation like that. Before my conscious mind could react my mouth opened and I yelled something that, in hind sight was probably the only truly appropriate thing I could have said right then. I yelled out, "Do you let your children act like that in public??" All the car windows were open and there was a woman in the front seat. I assume it was the child's mother so I figured that I would address my response to her. I figured I could hardly blame a little child for that kind of ignorance. Not that it would be entirely his parent's fault either but if a child is willing to insult a complete stranger in public within ear shot of his mother there must be disconnect in the discipline department somewhere. My mother never would have tollerated that from my brother or me and when I have childern they will know damn well that it is not appropriate to act that way even if I'm not around.
I don't know what kind of reaction I expected but what I got was the woman rolling up her window and driving off down the road. Two seconds later I was fine...I realized that I just got my blog topic for the evening. Thanks kid...where ever you are.
So...there that is. It's one thing when it's a child. Children are honest. They have limited self edit skills. Adults are guilty of the same transgressions and when they are what is the proper response. It's not likely you can reason with someone so thoughtless. Must we just accept that it's socially acceptable to insult people who for whatever reason are over weight? If you ignore it when it happens...who has the power?
"You gotta walk where I walked
Bang where I bang
Slang where I hang
To get where I'm going to
Stay where I stay
Blaze who I blazed
Pay dues how I payed
To get where I'm going to"
- (Rap Artist) Fat Joe
So I just got done working out and decided that I'd stop by the super market to pick up some whole wheat pasta for meal 3. I was feeling pretty good. A little sore but that good sore, ya know? Endorphins flowing...feeling pretty content. I parked my car and got out to walk into the store. I stopped to allow a car to pass and as it did a kid popped his head out of the back window and yelled "FAT JOE"!
"Lovely..." I thought to myself. Here I was fresh from the gym...trying to do something good for myself and all it takes is one smart ass kid to take the wind out of my sales... Needless to say I was upset and I wanted to say something but what do you say in a situation like that. Before my conscious mind could react my mouth opened and I yelled something that, in hind sight was probably the only truly appropriate thing I could have said right then. I yelled out, "Do you let your children act like that in public??" All the car windows were open and there was a woman in the front seat. I assume it was the child's mother so I figured that I would address my response to her. I figured I could hardly blame a little child for that kind of ignorance. Not that it would be entirely his parent's fault either but if a child is willing to insult a complete stranger in public within ear shot of his mother there must be disconnect in the discipline department somewhere. My mother never would have tollerated that from my brother or me and when I have childern they will know damn well that it is not appropriate to act that way even if I'm not around.
I don't know what kind of reaction I expected but what I got was the woman rolling up her window and driving off down the road. Two seconds later I was fine...I realized that I just got my blog topic for the evening. Thanks kid...where ever you are.
So...there that is. It's one thing when it's a child. Children are honest. They have limited self edit skills. Adults are guilty of the same transgressions and when they are what is the proper response. It's not likely you can reason with someone so thoughtless. Must we just accept that it's socially acceptable to insult people who for whatever reason are over weight? If you ignore it when it happens...who has the power?
"You gotta walk where I walked
Bang where I bang
Slang where I hang
To get where I'm going to
Stay where I stay
Blaze who I blazed
Pay dues how I payed
To get where I'm going to"
- (Rap Artist) Fat Joe
posted by Sean Perkey at Tuesday, June 20, 2006
16 Comments:
You are an excellent writer.
As someone who has struggled with weight issues my entire life, it's going to be an honor watching you succeed.
Thank you for inviting us on your journey.
You rock!
Stupid Kids. It's amazing how someone so young can manage to say something so hurtful. As easy as it is to say "eh, I'll just shrug it off" It's hard too sometimes.
Don't let the man get you down, what you are doing is both amazing and inspirational. Keep up the Good fight and you will see results quicker than you would ever imagine. Keep the mentality "if I look this good after 1 month... imagine 6 months, 1 year!" It's quite motivational. Good luck, you've got me as a daily reader now!!
Chris
glad to see you're letting it roll off... can't let it get you down. if anything, let it keep you thinking of how "you'll show them" and such.
and the inspiration others speak of is true - you've inspired me to get off my rear and lose the 30 lbs i've been to lazy to get rid of for the last few years.
you should check out www.fitday.com, you can keep track of the foods you eat from their database or by manually entering the nutritional info of what you eat, your activities, vitamin content for the day, etc. a huge ton of info to keep track of, and it can all be done online at the website for free... no strings.
i found it about a year and a half ago, and i really like it. sorry for the long comment...
You mentioned earlier that you like singer-songwriter material - I suggest Peter Mulvey.
I found your site through ORP. I think you're incredibly brave, and am sure you will succeed. It's all about changing your thinking about food, and your daily life. I wish you all the luck in the world.
That little snot. If I was his mother I would have turned that car around, made him get out of the car and apologise. I'm sorry, but what ever happened to parenting?
Crystal
Good job!!!
I hear ya. I have been 'husky' my whole life. I understand my take as a skinny fat guy may not be the same, but I remember it growing up, being the fattest kid in my class. I fear the stigma will never go away whether among kids or adults. It's the same as any other kind of hatred, whether its racism, sexism, or other forms of discrimination/hatred. It may sound defeatist to say we simply have to deal with it, but we do. We don't have to like it but we have to deal with it in some way. And I think speaking like you did is the right direction for changing it. So often overweight people are seen as passive or agressive. Either you say nothing or you have a horrible temper because your mad about your weight; but what you said I think was completely appropriate because it was not aggressive it was simply a response and a good one. The only way we're gonna get rid of the stigma is to stop the 'stigmatizers.' I love what your doing with this blog! Keep it up Sean.
I can't wait for you next weigh in.
Nick
I saw the link to your blog on One Red Paperclip and had to stop by! I think what you're doing is awesome and keep at it! You write extremely well and I will be checking back to see your progress. Good luck! :)
I've always been chub and I hated it when kids teased me when I was younger. Stupid kids. Don't listen to them...just listen to the happy man in your head that tells you that you are feeling alright. LOL, is having a happy man in your head normal? I might have to get that checked out.... :)
I tend to go with humor. I probably would have shouted at the kid, "My name isn't Joe!" But I think your approach was far more direct. Most often I'm too stunned to speak. Like on the bus one day it was totally packed, no where to go. But this skinny girl decides she HAS to stand by the door or the bus driver wont let her out. She says to me, "get your fat ass out of the way" I wanted to say, "Wow, how original, like I had no idea my ass was so fat" but instead I stood there, saying nothing.
Thank you for being such a quick thinker. And thank you for sharing your story we're all rooting for you!
I found you through ORP and after reading your first few posts I had to go into the archives and read every post. Then I went to my kitchen and threw out all the cookies/pop/doughnuts etc. If you can do this, so can I!! I need to lose about 25 pounds, and it's like you're climbing a mountain, and I'm facing a speed bump. You're actively working toward your goal while, I was just whining about it being hard. I feel like a dolt.
Thank you for the inspiration! I'll keep following as you get to your goal, I know you'll get there!
Jill
Perfecto quote at the endo, Seaninator!
Hey man, here's something in case you ever get bored. It gives me joy, anyway:
http://www.urban75.com/Mag/bubble.html
Hey Perkey,
I felt compelled to comment on this because I have been the "mom" in your story. eli's post also made me want to share my story. My son,8, embarrassed me about two weeks ago like I have never been embarrassed before. I have taught him to be a good person, yet he made fun of a burn victim. I was not only embarassed I was ashamed, humiliated, etc... I cried for hours when I got home. Too much to type, but if you want to read my post about it, it is here.
http://theshellieshow.blogspot.com/2006/06/lesson-like-no-other.html#links
Hopefully that mom ripped him a new one! For my sake, I need to give her the benefit of the doubt. ;-)
Wow! You guys are great! I had a great workout today and come home to so much support! Thank each and everyone of you very much!
Anonymous: Thank you! My writing seems all over the place to me but I do like to do it! You're very kind!
Chris: yeah stupid kids! ;) naaah they're ok. Like I said kids are honest. It's just a matter of correcting that kind of behavirour. It's up to their parents and the parents have to care first. I try to keep it all in perspective so I'm cool. Thanks :) Yeah, I can't wait to see what I look like after a year. I hope you stick around!
the eye: Yeah, I don't let it stick. No worries! Awesome man! Rock those 30 lbs right out! I know you can do it...let me know about your progress. I'm behind you all the way! Also, thanks for the link..I'll check it out.
eli: Wow! Tell your friend congrats from me that's Fantastic! I'll have to look into donating skin when it comes to that...this is one of the parts that freaks me out the most about the whole process (I'll write about that more later) I think your friend is an inspiration and she should be commended for her kind heart! Sounds like she has a good friend as well that you would take her story and share it with others.
Kacey: To think that what started as a personal journey for me has the power to insipre others to improve their own quality of life is overwhelming to me. Thank you so much for letting me know. I wish you the best of luck and I know that we will all feel better as we reach our own individual goals. You are welcome here anytime and I do hope you'll check back and let me know how you're doing!
stephen: "Peter Mulvey" sweet thanks. I'll check him out!
Norma Jean: Thank you for your encouragement and please check back often!
Crystal: I have no idea what happened to parenting. The world is so different from when I was a child. My mother would have made me go back too. Heck...when I was a kid any adult within earshot would have told me to apologize and I would have listened to them. That's just the way it was back then... *sigh* Thanks Crystal...thanks for backing me up!
Anonymous: Thanks!
buchilala: Wow! Your response gave me agreat Idea for a Post Thank you for your thoughtfull understanding. And know that though we may not weigh the same we all experience pain when insulted so I completely respect your experiences and your insight derived from those experiences.
Check for my post tonight...I hope I can articulate what's in my head...we'll see!
OutInLeftField: Hey! Thanks for taking the time to click through and post! Also thanks for the compliment on my writing...I'm always a little self conscious of it... (that'll be our secret...shhhh...don't tell anyone;) )
I'm gonna take your advice and just keep listening to the "Happy man in my head"...Heeeey I was wondering who talked me into taking this whole thing public! Now I know! Thanks! Hope to hear from you again!
Selina: Thank you...you're an inspiration to me too. It sounds like you are raising a wonderful child with a benevolent heart! Keep up the great work Mom!
Pirate Alice: that's a great come back! "ha ha! Shows what you know Kid! My name isn't even Joe!" thats good :) Yeah...people can be horrible but That's why i make sure I surround myself with really good folks who know how to have a good time without making it at the expense of others! Cheers friend, check back often, k?
Jill: I think my mouth began to water when I read that you threw out Donuts!! Awwww...poor defensless donuts...out in the wild all alone... j/k
That's great! I'm proud of you! I wish you nothing but good luck on your own journey and hope that you will let me know how you're doing and when you reach your goal! Promise?
Billy: thanko youo mano! I'll check it out thanks!
theshellieshow: It sounds like you are an amazing mother and I want to thank you for sharing your story with me. I'd like to think that the mother at least spoke to her son about his behaviour and she very well may have. I've had it happen before in situations where the mother has had their child apologize so I know for a fact that no matter how good the parenting children are likely to make statements from time to time that may be hurtful but don't nessicerily come from a hurtful place.
I know that your son will be a much more compassionate person for the experience and he'll no doubt remember that day the next time he encounters someone very different from himself.
I also think that the woman showed tremendous courage in taking the time to speak with you and your son...I'm inspired by your story! Thank you very much for sharing. i think in the future (given the opportunity) I will seek to educate rather than react.
I hope my post didn't come off as flip regarding a parent's responsibility for their childrens' actions. I respect your reaction to the experience and hope that eventually we can all learn to deal with each other in a more compassionate manor.
theshellieshow:
P.S. What a sweetheart you are for making a donation to the diabetes fund! Thank you so much for getting me that much closer to my goal!
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