Weekend recap and Brain hijinks
Hello again!
the weekend is over and I just want to sort of recap because I didn't get a chance to post for yesterday.
I got out of town a little this week end and was able to spend some time with my Father and his wife and my brothers from NY and LA. I don't really feel like doing a detailed food post for 2 days but let me just say that I kept to my basic food schedule although I had a long drive on Saturday so I did drink some diet pepsi and a diet redbull because driving alone makes me a little sleepy sometimes and I didn't want to die in a firey wreck of fire and twisted chevy malibu maxx! Oh and ditch. I did also have a piece of peach pie that my father's wife made and it was scrumptious and no you can not have any because my brothers took the rest of it to L.A.
I am happy to note that I was able to find a 24hour Fitness down the street from my father's home so my brother D and I went in for a work out. I was able to get in my 45 min on the treadmill and 100 crunches (w/35lbs of weight). We also saw a pro basketball player taking advantage of the B-bal court for some extra practice time. My brother suggested that I tell him about my blog....I decided not to...
I did, however, take today off. I'm really chomping to get back into the gym tomorrow right after work. I just think my body needs a rest. My foot really hurt a lot over the weekend and I was hobbling so much that I kept thinking to myself that no one is going to believe that I put as much time into the gym as I say I do because it looks like I can hardly walk a couple feet. I mean seriously, I walk like an old man. I've found that even though my foot may hurt during normal activity, once I get on the treadmill it only takes about 5 minutes before it warms up and stops hurting so I guess I may not be able to walk down my front steps but 45min on the treadmill is no trouble...go figure.
Ok...
The brain.
It's a tricky little bastard. It basically runs everything. Bodily functions, emotions, perception... but the brain for all it's power is not the most responsible or trustworthy organ in the body. Ok take the bladder for instance. There is one organ who, when working properly, will never let you down. If it's empty then life is grand and you can do whatever you please. Jump up and down on a trampoline if you like. If it's full you're the first one to know and as soon as you take the needed action you're right back on that pogo-stick or what have you. Your eyes...will never lie to you...wait...I know what you're gonna say but you're wrong the eyes (again if functioning properly) don't lie but the brain can monkey with info and it'll do what it wants when it wants because it's the brain "damn it" and it's in charge.
Case in point. I know I'm fat. Fatty fatty two by four...something 'bout a bathroom door. But I don't always feel it. No. I don't. I don't know if it's my brain's attempt at protecting my feelings or if it's my brain's idea of a little joke. You ask a lot of large people and I bet that they will tell you the same thing. Personally (and please make sure there are no brains in the room when you read this....are they gone?....good) Personally I think it's some sort of a conspirasy. To what end I do not know but I think the brains must be plotting or there is some kind of cosmic inside joke that we're not privy to but here's what I know... I walk around all day feeling normal. I feel great, for the most part. Strutting around feeling attractive and charming. And the reason I think it's a conspiracy is that other people willmost often treat you exactly how you perceive yourself at that moment...so the brains must be sending out little waves to other brains with messages that say things like...
"pssssst...just play along..i've got this fool feeling pretty good about himself right now so don't mess it up...if you're a girl brain make your host smile at him...make him feel even better...yeah that's it...he's feeling good now...if you're a guy brain make your host look him right in the eye and give him a good nod, that's the universal sign of manly approval...that's it! Now he feels powerfull...HaHa! But don't go too far away because you're gonna want to watch this. I'm about to pull the rug out from under his feet when I make him walk past this full length mirror! HAHA Gottcha Fatty!!!"
And that that exact moment reality snaps you in the ass with a wet towel and all that built up self respect drains out of you faster than, well, something that's slower than how fast the self respect drains out of you under such circumstances.
Then there you are loooking straight at reality through your truth-telling eyes with the faint sound of laughter somewhere deep in your subconscious. Then the cycle starts all over again. And the messed up part...the really truely screwed up part of it is that you don't really have to have anything wrong with you for your brain to pull off that trick.
Funny huh?
Last bit...
Mirrors. Personally I avoid them unless it's face high and then, you know....well look at me...I'm gorgeous... j/k
I avoid them unless I know the mirror is at the right angle because I know exactly at which angles I'm able to view myself that won't trigger self loathing. Random glances are avoided at all costs. Let me tell you how bad this can get. When I walk by a large window or mirror, the side of my body (especially my face) will acctually increase in temprature with the fear that I may glimpse myself. How sick is that. When I go to the movies (and I love the movies) I have to be carefull how I stand in the lobby due to the freaking fun house-esq decor they have in there with all the mirrors. Now I realize that people go to the movies on dates but my God...the last thing I want to see before I buy my popcorn is my ample face looking back at myself from over the counter because once again the theatre believed that the concession line would be another good place for people to Once again check their lipstic or their..I dunno, what? chest hair motif before going into a dark room for a couple of hours where you can't see a damn thing anyway!
Well enough of that. As fun as it was to get it off my chest. I hope your week if fruitfull or at the very least devoid of conspiracy driven brains hell bent on pulling the rug out from under you when you're on top of the world!
Please, also, take a moment and swing by my good friend "The Eye's" blog and congratulate him on the birth of his brand new baby girl Sophia! The new father hasn't posted yet but his mother was kind enough to share the good news! Congrats EYE! I wish all the best of love and life for you and your growing family!
the weekend is over and I just want to sort of recap because I didn't get a chance to post for yesterday.
I got out of town a little this week end and was able to spend some time with my Father and his wife and my brothers from NY and LA. I don't really feel like doing a detailed food post for 2 days but let me just say that I kept to my basic food schedule although I had a long drive on Saturday so I did drink some diet pepsi and a diet redbull because driving alone makes me a little sleepy sometimes and I didn't want to die in a firey wreck of fire and twisted chevy malibu maxx! Oh and ditch. I did also have a piece of peach pie that my father's wife made and it was scrumptious and no you can not have any because my brothers took the rest of it to L.A.
I am happy to note that I was able to find a 24hour Fitness down the street from my father's home so my brother D and I went in for a work out. I was able to get in my 45 min on the treadmill and 100 crunches (w/35lbs of weight). We also saw a pro basketball player taking advantage of the B-bal court for some extra practice time. My brother suggested that I tell him about my blog....I decided not to...
I did, however, take today off. I'm really chomping to get back into the gym tomorrow right after work. I just think my body needs a rest. My foot really hurt a lot over the weekend and I was hobbling so much that I kept thinking to myself that no one is going to believe that I put as much time into the gym as I say I do because it looks like I can hardly walk a couple feet. I mean seriously, I walk like an old man. I've found that even though my foot may hurt during normal activity, once I get on the treadmill it only takes about 5 minutes before it warms up and stops hurting so I guess I may not be able to walk down my front steps but 45min on the treadmill is no trouble...go figure.
Ok...
The brain.
It's a tricky little bastard. It basically runs everything. Bodily functions, emotions, perception... but the brain for all it's power is not the most responsible or trustworthy organ in the body. Ok take the bladder for instance. There is one organ who, when working properly, will never let you down. If it's empty then life is grand and you can do whatever you please. Jump up and down on a trampoline if you like. If it's full you're the first one to know and as soon as you take the needed action you're right back on that pogo-stick or what have you. Your eyes...will never lie to you...wait...I know what you're gonna say but you're wrong the eyes (again if functioning properly) don't lie but the brain can monkey with info and it'll do what it wants when it wants because it's the brain "damn it" and it's in charge.
Case in point. I know I'm fat. Fatty fatty two by four...something 'bout a bathroom door. But I don't always feel it. No. I don't. I don't know if it's my brain's attempt at protecting my feelings or if it's my brain's idea of a little joke. You ask a lot of large people and I bet that they will tell you the same thing. Personally (and please make sure there are no brains in the room when you read this....are they gone?....good) Personally I think it's some sort of a conspirasy. To what end I do not know but I think the brains must be plotting or there is some kind of cosmic inside joke that we're not privy to but here's what I know... I walk around all day feeling normal. I feel great, for the most part. Strutting around feeling attractive and charming. And the reason I think it's a conspiracy is that other people willmost often treat you exactly how you perceive yourself at that moment...so the brains must be sending out little waves to other brains with messages that say things like...
"pssssst...just play along..i've got this fool feeling pretty good about himself right now so don't mess it up...if you're a girl brain make your host smile at him...make him feel even better...yeah that's it...he's feeling good now...if you're a guy brain make your host look him right in the eye and give him a good nod, that's the universal sign of manly approval...that's it! Now he feels powerfull...HaHa! But don't go too far away because you're gonna want to watch this. I'm about to pull the rug out from under his feet when I make him walk past this full length mirror! HAHA Gottcha Fatty!!!"
And that that exact moment reality snaps you in the ass with a wet towel and all that built up self respect drains out of you faster than, well, something that's slower than how fast the self respect drains out of you under such circumstances.
Then there you are loooking straight at reality through your truth-telling eyes with the faint sound of laughter somewhere deep in your subconscious. Then the cycle starts all over again. And the messed up part...the really truely screwed up part of it is that you don't really have to have anything wrong with you for your brain to pull off that trick.
Funny huh?
Last bit...
Mirrors. Personally I avoid them unless it's face high and then, you know....well look at me...I'm gorgeous... j/k
I avoid them unless I know the mirror is at the right angle because I know exactly at which angles I'm able to view myself that won't trigger self loathing. Random glances are avoided at all costs. Let me tell you how bad this can get. When I walk by a large window or mirror, the side of my body (especially my face) will acctually increase in temprature with the fear that I may glimpse myself. How sick is that. When I go to the movies (and I love the movies) I have to be carefull how I stand in the lobby due to the freaking fun house-esq decor they have in there with all the mirrors. Now I realize that people go to the movies on dates but my God...the last thing I want to see before I buy my popcorn is my ample face looking back at myself from over the counter because once again the theatre believed that the concession line would be another good place for people to Once again check their lipstic or their..I dunno, what? chest hair motif before going into a dark room for a couple of hours where you can't see a damn thing anyway!
Well enough of that. As fun as it was to get it off my chest. I hope your week if fruitfull or at the very least devoid of conspiracy driven brains hell bent on pulling the rug out from under you when you're on top of the world!
Please, also, take a moment and swing by my good friend "The Eye's" blog and congratulate him on the birth of his brand new baby girl Sophia! The new father hasn't posted yet but his mother was kind enough to share the good news! Congrats EYE! I wish all the best of love and life for you and your growing family!
posted by Sean Perkey at Sunday, August 06, 2006
7 Comments:
u hit the nail right on the head with this post. i HATE mirrors. i HATE cameras. and i HATE seeing myself if i don't have to *lol* otherwise, i'm perfectly confident and perfectly happy. yeah.
Sean,
YIKES! Leenzil's right - - you definitely hit the nail right on the head with this one. I see a good person when I look in the mirror and don't focus on how much of me that there is. If I only focused on the negative, then I'd be depressed as hell!
I hope that you enjoyed visiting your family and I'm proud of you for still making it to the gym while being away from home. :) KA
good luck in losing weight! ;)
Hey Sean, great post...and I think you are correct about self image and not knowing what we look like...I think almost all people have similar ideas about what we look like versus the mirror, only different limitations within each of us.
Sorry your foot is still acting up...I am sure it will improve over time.
I am still participating in the experiemnt of "20 comments" wednesday...trying to make 20 comments today...and see if it makes for more traffic and visitors and more fun blogging...
you(okay this comment) are comment #19 out of 20.
Cheers,
Candy
thanks so much Sean. that really means a lot to me.
everything is going great with the little one, just trying to get some sleep when possible (sleep? whats sleep? i dont remember what that word means)!
thanks again man!
Hey, Sean, you're right--people see you how you see you. (Well, there are limits, obviously.) If I see someone who is really overweight, but they are confident and friendly, I just say, "Okay, this is a cool person with a weight issue. Hopefully they will think I'm cool, too, in spite of the issues I have."
We all da same, man. 5 dollah, 10 dollah, all da same. Meaning--we all have areas we struggle with--some are just more obvious than others. Some people are judgemental, but who wants to hang out with them? Who needs that kind of garbage? We have enough already!
I think that's why you will often see "odd couples"--gorgeous girl with homely guy, or vice versa (although this is less common for some reason--perhaps because guys are more visual? Wow, there's a blog topic for ya!) People can see past the mirror into the heart, if we let them. It's just hard when we are looking at that cold glass to see past it back into our own eyes.
Keep on thinking of yourself as "normal" (whatever that is--I assume you mean at an optimal body weight.) For instance, I think of myself as a "long hair person." I have cut it short, really short, many times, but I always end up growing it again, because that's what my self-image says I should have.
So, I say kudos that your self-image says that you are a thinner guy. That means your sub-conscious will help you get there! YAY you! Ignore the mirror. Eventually, it will start agreeing with you again. For now, forget it. (Easier said than done, right?)
I TOTALLY relate to what you said here. For me, its partially body size and age. At home I walk around in comfy clothes, jammy pants and a T-shirt, I don't have many mirrors...then I go to town, feeling pretty good until I catch a glimpse of myself usually in some auful lighting in the department store. I am literally shocked. The image does not fit the feeling I have for myself. I feel young, vibrant and peaceful.
Sometimes the image looks frumpy and haggard.
Forget mirrors!! I love myself.
Post a Comment
<< Home