My Kingdon for a Sturdy C _ _ _ _!!
Other than that you are able to set out on a nice evening (hopefully Taxi free). You get to the restaurant and you're seated on time. Your food is great and you are out of there in time to catch your show! Of course, the show was amazing. It was that movie that had that actor you like so much running from that radioactive creature...you know the one spawned from that toxic waste spill at the toy shop?? A purple dinosaur on a rampage singing childrens' songs and eating the flesh from tourists in some futuristic meropolitan city...
Damn! I tend to ramble! Ok, The point I'm trying to make is, that beyond the normal prep most people are able to enjoy an evening out without too much difficulty. Guess whose nightmare is just starting? You guessed it...mine and the rest of us who have managed to carry around a bit of unwanted fat. There is one thing that can change that perfect evening into an uncomfortable and possibly embarrassing fiasco. Can anyone guess what that is?...I'll help you out...
Lack of a STURDY CHAIR!!
It seems like such a simple thing but you would be surprised how terrible it feels to walk into a restaurant and see nothing but flimsy plastic chairs around all of the tables or to find out that there is nothing left but a tiny booth. "Arrrrrrgh! Ok breath..it's not the end of the world", you tell yourself. Surely they have a sturdy chair somewhere in the building. So you collect yourself and you walk calmly over to a Waiter and say, "Pardon me sir . But do you happen to have a different type of chair?" The waiter turns to you...looks over the top of his glasses and gives you the once over and says, "no." and turns back around. Feeling the panic and frustration welling beep within you tap the waiter on his shoulder and ask, "no other chairs?....in the whole building? in an office maybe." Again the answer comes, "no sir we have these." "would you like to be seated?" And I'm thinking..."On What?" "You have barbie dream house chairs!" "Have you ever seen Ken sporting an Ass this big? now bring me a proper chair you twit!!" Well, that's what I'm thinking anyway...what I say is more like "No thanks *sigh* we'll try somewhere else..."
With that, a new place to eat has to be found and the whole evening's plans must be tossed out the window. Or I could risk sitting on a toothpick legged, gumby fun house chair...making sure not to breath the wrong way or reach the wrong way or blink the wrong way and hooooope that I don't hear that all too familiar craaaack which generally proceeds my keister hitting the tile and the entire clientele snapping their necks to get a look at the fat guy floundering around on the floor!
Can you tell I how worked up this situation can make me? At one point I acctually started carrying a stool around in the trunk of my car for just such an occaision. Now granted. I can't expect every restaurant to cater to the needs of someone as obviously abnormal (with regards to weight) as myself. I just ask that they take a few things into mind before buying chairs for their patrons to sit on.
1. please have at least a few Chairs without Arms...
2. If you insist on having plastic chairs...maybe have a couple of metal chairs on hand for those of us who might break your normal ones...this will not only increase your business but decrease your chance of being sued over an avoidable accident.
3. just understand that comfortable seating is important to your business' success.
You wanted honest ;) Thanks for indulging me folks!
Please feel free to ask me questions if you have them. If there is anything you want to know about me please post or email your question. My email is email@example.com . Please don't be shy...I'll answer almost anything. (did I just open a can of worms?) ....git back in der worm!!